I wrote a post on Ozgeek today which I want to share on my blog aswell. I was feeling a bit down yesterday and I said, on Ozgeek, that I was going to give up, well i've had a think about that and here's the outcome, and a heap of other crap "what I wrote" hehe .....
First of all, I just want to thank everyone for your support. If it wasn’t for you guys I probably would be in a nut home right now. It’s great to be able to talk to you guys about stuff and have a support group that I wouldn’t otherwise have. It’s also great to be able to say stuff and not be judged, but to be fully supported and to have you trying to help me with the crap that’s going on in my life. I talk to you guys about stuff I would/could never talk to my family or other friends about. They just wouldn’t understand. So thank you for sharing my journey and for
letting me share yours.
I’m really not that worried about putting on weight. I’ve been the same weight now for about three months, give or take a kilo or so up and down. I’m just not trying hard enough. It’s difficult when you’re tired. I know you don’t want to
hear my excuses, we all have them, I have more than some, but less than
others. We’re all human.
The crux of it is that i’m just tired and I’ve become a little blasé about the whole weight loss thing.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to lose weight and I live for the day that I’m at goal, actually right now I’d be happy to get under 75kg, and absolutely ecstatic to get under 70 kg, but sometimes I just feel like I can’t be bothered with it all.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.
I’ve come a long way from 1 January this year when I was 93 kilos (you just have to look at my photos to see that – which if you’re interested you can view at www.fatcowsblog.blogspot.com). Actually I might re-post them today to bring them back into the focus. Maybe it will help?
Yesterday, when I wrote this post, I was really depressed. Then last night I found out why: TTOTM. Usually I get cranky, and hubby always makes it worse by saying “TTOTM is it?”, and seriously that pisses me off to no end, but yesterday I just got really really depressed about the whole thing.
I kind of thought I might be pregnant again, which we’re not planning and we need to make a decision soon about whether we want another child (I’m 40 next year so if we’re going to do it we have to do it soon) but I just love my job right now and I don’t want to stuff that up. It’s hard enough with one child, I can’t imagine working full-time with two, plus the daycare fees would be ridiculous, I’m already paying $500 a fortnight for day care. Also we really need to buy a house
and if we have another child that probably won’t happen. We are struggling
to save any money now.
Also we don’t have any family here so there’s not much support around and hubby works weekends so it’s just me really. I know I said I wouldn’t make excuses, sorry I’ll try to get back on track with my thinking now.
I was so motivated at the start of the year to lose weight and I still have all the reasons I had then to lose more, I don’t know why I’ve lost my motivation.
I had a look in the yellow pages to see if I could find someone to talk to about this, but all the psychologists listed who see people for eating disorders are for
anorexia or bulimia, I just need someone to talk to about overeating, or
emotional eating, or stress eating. Or maybe I don’t, I’m not sure if it
would help, cos I would probably just say the things I say on here and I get
pretty good responses from all of you, I just need to give myself a good kick up
the arse and get back on track.
Anyhoo, I’m hoping the warmer weather will help. Also the baby is starting to sleep better so if and when I ever get a decent night’s sleep, I’m sure that would help too.
I’m sorry for complaining, I guess I’m trying to go through everything in my head and trying to work out what’s happening with me so I can fix it and get on with what has to be done.
Thanks for listening to me, I’ll keep you posted with how I’m feeling, I’m already feeling better today than I was yesterday so that’s a positive step.
Lots of love,
Bri
5 comments:
WE LOVE YOU TOO BRI! I'm glad that you're seeing things in perspective a bit better. You are an awesome rad chick, and the difference between those photos is amazing! You're such a good girl - don't give up, because you've come so far. I am very proud of you, and I know that you CAN lose the rest of the weight. Come on, you can do it!
The difference in those photos is amazing - you should be really proud of what you have achieved so far !!! As Kellee said - come on, you CAN do it. Focus on what you want to achieve and keep working towards it.
Take care and have a great week !
Me
Glad to hear you sounding a bit more positive. Don't you think it really helps to clear your head if you write things down. Thank you for trusting us with your inner turmoil. We will keep helping you whenever we can. Have a good day tomorrow and keep trying.
So many things you have written I think about. We do have 2 children, I do work full time, we do pay a fortune for child care, and sometimes I wonder if we will ever buy a house of our own. BUT. This year I have learnt to like myself a little better and I think that will start the cycle of a more positive future. Financially as well as physically.
Keep going chook. It is so tough with a little one but he is worth it and so are you. You can do it. :)
Darn that TTOM! I get like this too just before and I agree, writing it down helps to deal with it. We've all got things we've got to sort through and one thing I have come to really appreciate is the people who listen via these blogs and offer some kind of advice or just cheer me up. You can do it too Bri and I'll be here for you. Don't give up because you have come so far and are learning so much about yourself!
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