I got bitten.....

I got bitten by the shopping bug too, BUT here's the twist. I didn't buy ANYTHING for myself! What the?

My body has obviously been taken over by aliens - didn't weigh myself this morning and spent money on everyone but me..... ha ha ha.

I just went to get a new pedometer but then I thought I would call in at Target and have a look - it's not often I get out of the house by myself.

Came home with a new shirt and tie for DH to wear to the races tomorrow, a new set of cot sheets and a matching towel set and blanket for DS, 8 new t-shirts for DS, four new pillows for our bed and a cute outfit and cot sheets for a friend of DH's who just had a baby, oh and the groceries but who cares about groceries right?

I really need a pair of 3/4 denim pants but didn't even think about buying anything for me, I didn't even look at SHOES or make-up or anything! What the ?????

Oh well, I spent enough (about $500 today! Yikes).

So now that i've just re-read that, i've realised i'm an idiot. I did get something - the pedometer. Now I can start my "virtual" walk on the Walking with Attitude site, if I can work it out!! haha

DS is much better today, thanks everyone for your well wishes. His eyes have cleared up and he's back to his cheeky mischievious self!! He's just so damned cute, we're going to have a great weekend together, just the two of us!

Bri

Go figure

I've had a bad week food wise, and haven't exercised at all. I was a bit worried about my Personal Challenge weigh in this morning. Then I forgot to weigh myself - WHAT THE?????

Who am I and what has happened to Briony?

Anyway, by the time i'd remembered that I should have weighed myself i'd already had breakfast, a cup of tea and half a litre of water and it's TTOTM so ..... I prepared myself for the worst.

76.8 - exactly the same as last week AND if i'd remembered to weight myself first thing I would have been lighter.

I'll just have to work extra hard this week to compensate for the crap i've eaten in the last couple of days. D'oh!

Happy Friday everyone.

Bri

Where's the positive in all of this?

I have just come home from the doctor's. We couldn't get in to our normal doctor until next Wednesday so we had to go to one of those "we don't take bookings you just have to wait your turn" places. The staff are all major cows and were absolutely horrible to everyone they spoke to today (DH says they're always like that!).

Holy shamoly - what a shit fight. We got there at 7.45am - they don't start til 8am - and there were already a dozen people there.

We finally got in to see the doctor at 9.30am. Jason had already left to go to work as he couldn't wait any longer. I forgot to take Lachie's dummy (which keeps him very quiet for just such occasions) so I had to try and entertain him for the whole time. I'm not really a dummy fan, he has it when he goes to bed and that's it, unless of course he's sick and needs the comfort of sucking. I just don't want him to have it too often as there's nothing worse than a 3 year old child talking with a dummy in their mouth 24/7.

Anyway, Lachie has really bad conjunctivitis - it's dreadful. At least now we have the proper drops from the chemist and hopefully they'll start working quickly. The doctor said there will be a major improvement within 24 hours. I haven't been able to use them yet as Lachie fell asleep on the way home in the car and stayed asleep when I took him out of the car so I put him in his cot. Poor little lamb. His eyes are soooo red and oozey - sorry for anyone who's not a mother and just had their stomach turn! haha

We went to the chemist straight after the doctor's and as Lachie was already in the stroller we walked (it wasn't far so save your applause!!). On the way we walked past a shop which sold burgers, schnitzel sambos and stuff and it smelt UNREAL. I was really tempted to stop and buy something, but I didn't.

I'm going to try and do an exercise DVD when Lachie has his afternoon nap so that at least i've done something, cos I haven't exercised at all this week.

Anyway, I was wondering where is the positive in all of this?

Lately i've been feeling a bit guilty about working full-time and leaving Lachie with the day care people, so maybe the positive is that I now get to spend the next 5 days with him, just him and me.

DH is going on a buck's weekend this weekend and will be gone from tomorrow morning until Sunday afternoon and as you all probably know already I don't have any family to help out so it will just be Lachie and I for the whole five days together. I guess the positive is that I can have him to myself, nurture him and help him get better and we can spend some quality mother and son time til Daddy gets home on Sunday.

I'm going to take full advantage of every minute and enjoy lots of cuddles and (hopefully once his eyes get better) games and laughter!

Thanks to everyone who has left such nice messages on my blog, I don't know what i'd do without you lot, you lift me up when i'm feeling down and I thank you all for that.

Bri

Sheizer

I had to come home with the baby, he's sick AGAIN or is it STILL. I rang the doctor and they said we can't get in until next WEDNESDAY? What the ????

I got really stressed and the combination of that and the TTOTM thing got my defences down so low that I ate half the Pods.

I am a bloody loser .....

I have to have the rest of the week off with Lachie. I have a lot to do at work but my baby comes first. We don't have any family here to help out so i'm it. I have a huge headache and i'm sure its a sugar overload combined with stress, i've already been in tears three times since I got home and we only got home at 5.30pm.

I'm a failure for today but i'll pick myself up, dust myself off and start again tomorrow.

Sorry for letting everyone down and especially for letting myself down, but at least i'm being honest and not pretending it didn't happen and i'm not giving up on myself, no way.

Bri

Pods are banned!

I didn't eat any Pods, you would have been proud of me. I had some WW ice cream and a WW choc pudding instead (much less points).

And for everyone who said "don't let them in the house" - I don't - it's not me, it's my naughty DH. He always buys me food when he thinks I need cheering up. He's been doing it for 8 years and it's hard for him to change, i'll have to give him some "non-food" suggestions!

Haven't done any walking this week with DS being ill, oh well, hopefully he'll be ok and last a whole day at FDC today, fingers crossed. Speaking of which, gotta fly now.....

Ciao,
Bri

I hate Pods

Well I don't..... I wish I did..... there's a box in the cupboard, I haven't touched them. They are hidden behind the baby food but I know they're there. They are my favourite, the Snickers ones.

and they're calling my name .............

Why do the stupid confectionary companies make them in the first place? They should be banned.

I didn't worry about getting DH to take them to work or anything cos I didn't know I was going to have to come home with a sick baby. He's sleeping right now.

Maybe if he projectile vomits on me like he did last night (twice) it will take my mind off the Pods..............

Just kidding, I'd rather eat them all than have him be sick again. It really scared him.

Poor little lambykins.

Bri

Crikey, stupid scales.....

Today when I got on the scales, I was over 2 kg heavier than I was yesterday. Now, I know that the scales were showing a weight WAAAAY too light for what I actually was yesterday but 2.1kg in ONE DAY? How the hell can that happen?

Needless to say i'm wussing out of going to my meeting tonight cos i'm scared.

That is all .....

Bri

Sunday bloody Sunday

I'm a bit hungover today, and I really feel like I need a junk food hit! I will try to be good. We had French Toast and WW bacon for breakfast with a drizzle of Maple syrup - OMG it was unreal and since then i've had a few pretzels, I just need something saltier and fattier!! haha

My scales must be going crazy cos this morning they said 75.5 - that can't be right - I just laughed and said "No way, tomorrow give me my proper weight thanks"!!

Last night was great, I hardly ate anything (probably why i'm a bit hungover - nothing to soak the alcohol up) and there were all my favourite foods at the party (cheese, dip, bread, crackers etc) and the cake was the biggest creamiest most luscious looking black forest cake i've EVER seen - I did not have one tiny morsel! Yay for me. Mind you I had eleventy eight glasses of wine!!

Oh well, today is another day!!

I have a few of Kaz Cooke's "little books" - they're great. She's hilarious. I thought I might (when I remember) try to give you one of her quote's - this one is from "the little book of Diet and Exercise":

"Hold your stomach in. If that's too difficult, have it removed and carry it around in a bowling bag".

Hope everyone's having a great weekend!

Bri

This was taken last night at my friend Kate's 40th birthday party. From L to R - Sue, Me, Kate, Lisa. 

The ticker is a liar

Well it's week two of my challenge and i've lost 0.3 this week. Which is strange cos at the beginning of this week I was on track for a kilo loss.

A few things have contributed to this.

1. I've been sick all week with a sore throat and cough so i've been eating a few cough lollies

2. I have picked up the mail on the way to work (in the car) instead of walking there

3. I had a couple of meals I shouldn't have, nothing bad and I counted the points but I shouldn't have had them when i'm supposed to be focussed on this challenge

4. I had a HUGE dinner last night, also nothing bad, extra vegies and a couple of slices of bread with marg on, but I shouldn't have had that either

5. I thinks it's nearly TTOTM

So, all in all i'm still happy with a 0.3 loss, cos a loss is a loss (of course, of course!!).

But the ticker thing, what's that all about. I changed to a different ticker, which obviously doesn't take increments lower than 1kg so it looks like i'm 76 but i'm actually 76.8 - go figure??? I might go back to the old ticker when I get the time to sort it out.

Also, when I was first doing WW I did actually have a big lose one week and a small lose the next, so maybe it's just my body's pattern? I'm not bothered cos I know that next week i'm going to pull my finger out and start walking again, I have to don't I? Plus i'll have my Walking with Attitude membership by then, which reminds me I need to get a new pedometer so I can start tracking my steps again.

Have a great day everyone - YAY it's Friday, I love Friday's.

Bri

A small setback?

I ate too much dinner, I cooked enough for DH to take for lunch tomorrow but I didn't stop myself when I was full, now I feel sick!

Luckily I didn't eat much at work today so I haven't gone over points, just feel too full (too much mashed potato and pumpkin!! then I had to have some of the fresh bread DH brought home and the margarine was on the table .....

say no more

Hey, i'm not too worried - it's my first blow out in about two weeks!

I can't believe it took this long! haha

And at least it wasn't the twisties or chips I was day dreaming about this afternoon, DH also brought home some pretzels so I have a very small handful of those and shared them with DS.

Weigh in day number two tomorrow, yikes.

I have a wedding to go to in November (on a Friday!!). I'm really going to push myself to try and be in the early 70's by then. If I am i'll shout myself a new dress, hairdo and get my makeup done - if not - well, i'll probably shout myself anyway! hehe

Bri

This is my latest photo, taken tonight. I'm looking a bit tired, but I least I don't look the size of an elephant like those other photos!! This is after 17kg lost. 

OK, these are my worst photos - they are taken from some video footage of us on Boxing Day last year. I think I was pretty close to 100kg but I didn't weigh myself I was too scared. I was struggling to get up and down off the floor that's for sure. Any time I get depressed or wonder why i'm changing my eating habits for healthy ones, i'm going to revisit these photos! I can't actually believe i'm sharing them! Yikes!!

Oh, I hate these photos 

Mhhmm, I was even struggling to sit on the floor. 

I think that shirt was a size 20 or 22, I can't remember now, it was one of the first ones I got rid of. 

Not particularly flattering are they? 

Looks like i'm picking nits! HAHA 

CONTROL is TOPS!!

OMG I’m so pumped right now, I just love this feeling of being in control. How did it happen????? I have no idea, but I’m not complaining ONE BIT! I think it has something to do with the thought of being on our Christmas work weekend away and everyone being in the spa except me (the fat girl!!).

I have some fantastic news too. I was doing this 6 week GTG Challenge with the people on the Ozgeek forum (who I have to give much credit for keeping me motivated and really helping me on this weight loss journey) and I didn’t lose much weight but my attitude has really turned around in the time we did the challenge. Now I thought there was no way I was in the running to get any of the prizes cos my good friend Michelle (THE BIG LOSER) was just powering through her weight loss during the challenge and a few of the other girls weren’t far behind….BUT they gave me the encouragement award. YAY for me!!

Michelle won first prize – CONGRATULATIONS MICHELLE!! You really deserve it.

My prize is a 12 month subscription to the Walking with Attitude website. I haven’t had time to check out the website yet, but Michelle tells me that its great and I know that M is part of that aswell, so it must be good!! Apparently you can put in your steps every day and “virtually” walk to places. I guess I better have a look at the website to find out more!??!?!??! (Durr).

I’m so happy – thanks Ozgeek and congratulations to everyone who took part in the challenge, especially to the winners but also to the rest of us, cos we did have a go (which is the Aussie way isn’t it?). haha

Hope every is having a fab week.

Lots of love and hugs
Bri

A loss less complicated

Yay, I lost 0.9 - woo hoo.

Now please can I just keep this up for the next few weeks until I get under 70kg and i'll be soooo happy!!!!!

Bri

Do you know the "weigh" to San Jose?

Yes folks, it's that time again, weigh in day, yikes..........

I've been soooo good and I was even good at the weekend, no alcohol, no crap and no cupboard/fridge scanning. I even had a WW frozen meal (yummo the new mushroom agnolotti one) last night as DH had Chinese.

I'll be very disappointed if I don't register a loss this week.

Wish me luck, i'll be back to update after my WW weigh in at 5.30pm.

Bri

Life is Beautiful

Usually on the weekends I spend as much time as I can travelling between the cupboard and the fridge, constantly on the lookout for what I can eat next. As i've been so good this past couple of weeks, I was a bit worried about overeating this weekend.

I haven't, i've been soooo good it's not funny. Although I have been concentrating on finishing the latest Harry Potter book so maybe that took my mind off food. But really, I haven't been hungry like I normally would be. Maybe it's because i'm eating less through the week and i'm really not feeling as hungry as I used to, or maybe my body has finally gotten the message that food is for sustainance and not just to kerb boredom, or maybe it's the warmer weather, or a combination of all of these things???

Don't know, but whatever it is, i'm very very happy it has happened. I feel really thin today, I know i'm not, but I don't feel bloated or podgy like I normally would. Even though i'm suffering a little with a sore throat and a bit of a cough. Maybe it's the "no alcohol" thing?

ha ha

Anyway, my motivation has been high for a couple of weeks now and i'm happy with that, it has been missing for so long. Let's just hope it pays off and I register a loss at WW and for my personal challenge this week (on a side note my personal challenge weight is my "first thing in the morning weight" and i'm not giving away what it was this morning but if I can keep this up - i'll be powering through this challenge and then some).

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Bri

Yay for measurements!!

I haven't taken my measurements for 2 months so I thought i'd take them today, well - what a surprise - i've lost 10.5 cm overall since the last lot of measurements, which is great cos i've stayed the same weight, give or take a kilo or so.

Overall since 1 January 2005 i've lost 50.5 cm. OMG - i'm remotivated today after learning that! Not that I had lost my motivation this week at all, i've been sooo good.

Here are my individual losses:

Neck - 3cm lost and gone forever
Upper arm - 3 cm lost and gone forever
Chest - 9 cm lost and gone forever
Waist - 11 cm lost and gone forever
Abdomen - 7 cm lost and gone forever
Hips - 9 cm lost and gone forever
Upper Leg - 7.5 cm lost and gone forever
Calf - 1.5 cm lost and gone forever

Yay for me!!!!!

Also just worked out that i've only got 4.1kg to go til I get to 20% lost. Just around the corner!!

Go Briony!!
Go Briony !!
Goooooo Briony!!

Had Thai for lunch yesterday with everyone from work, but I had a very small dinner to make up for it and NO ALCOHOL ( I know, who am I and where's Briony?? you say!!) haha

AND a big congrats to Michelle who is SOOOO close to 20kg gone it's not funny, come on Chelle next week for sure.

Have a great day everyone, I know I will! OK back to Harry Potter now, I MUST finish it this weekend.
lots of love and hugs all round.
Bri

First weigh in

Well my first weigh in is a success, even though it's not a "real" weight loss as I took it from Monday night to this morning, i'm always heaps lighter in the morning anyway.

Loss registered 1.4 kg.

Even if I had taken it from my WW weight the week before (77.9) i've still lost 0.8 which is unreal. If I can do that for the next 10 weeks i'll be 68.9 kilos when I go to my work Christmas Party weekend, how bloody great would that be?

Sorry for the potty mouth, i'm swearing a lot lately!

Have a great day everyone,
Bri

The right weight

How do you work out the right weight for goal? I couldn't remember how I worked out that I wanted to be 63kg, but now I remember - it's just within the healthy BMI range - and ONLY just. I think I may need to lose more. (and yes I know that I shouldn't be worrying about it yet, and i'm not worrying, i'm just thinking......).

For my height the WW healthy weight range is 65 to 52 - holy crap - I can't imagine being 50-anything - the middle of that range is 58.5 - so is that would I should aim for then?

Sheesh, I dunno. That just seems to unobtainable.....

Baby steps, baby steps......

Scared

I'm a little bit scared, it's only 10 hours til my first official Personal Challenge weigh in.

Yikes..........

Bri

I'm being good....

I'm being good but it's very difficult when the girls you work with (who are all skinnymalinxes by the way) are ordering take-away burgers and stuff and you can hear it happening. Then they say "Briony, do you want anything".

NO I bloody well don't, but thanks for asking (NOT!!).

I am going for a walk when they get back with it all, so I don't have to smell it!

BASTARDS!!

Also have decided to cheat a little and put my personal 12 week challenge start weight as 78.5 which is what I weighed in at on Monday night at WW (day 3 of my challenge). This will give me a bigger head start and hopefully keep my motivation going. I know what you're thinking - what difference does it make, maybe none???

Bri

How strange....

Since i've been eating less, i'm not feeling as hungry, how strange is that? Has that happened to anyone else? It's a very weird thing for me not to be hungry. I feel like i've been hungry my whole life.

I'm also not sure why this weight loss thing is working for me right now (well hopefully it is - I guess I won't know the results til next week). It's funny - i'm either on or i'm off, and right now i'm on. Don't get me wrong i'm not complaining, just stating facts.

Points for today: 16.5
Water: 1 litre so far
Exercise: walks x 2

Hope I can keep this up.

Hope everyone is having a good day. Happy Birthday wishes to Ebony who is 16 today!!!

lots of love and hugs,

Bri

I feel good (nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah)

For some reason today, I feel unreal. I'm happier than i've been in a long time. Maybe all it took was that weigh in, get it over with (the not knowing) and get on with it. Except for the weekend i've been pretty good for a couple of weeks now and i'm really starting to feel much better. My pants are hanging off me today, that' s gotta be a good thing. My rings are getting loose today too. I guess I thought I would have put on a lot more than 0.6kg and i'm hoping to lose that and then some next week.

I think i'll take my measurements tonight and see how i'm going there.

The Ozgeek 6 week challenge is over and I have only registered a loss of 0.6, but I feel so much better than I did 6 weeks ago and I feel like i've turned this lack of motivation thing around, maybe it's the warmer weather, maybe that magic "thing" -whatever it is, has clicked back into weight loss mode. Whatever it is, i'm exstatic about it and I hope I can keep it up.

Thanks everyone for your support too, I couldn't do this without you lot, how on earth did people lose weight before blogging? I need all the support I can get and I love that you all check up on me every week and keep me on my toes and help to pick me back up when i'm down.

I've met some of the most fantastic people through blogging. I hope one day we can meet in person - how cool would that be???? A group of gorgeous skinny girls on a weekend away somewhere. Who's in?

..... and once more with feeling thank you, thank you, thank you for your support - I love "youse" all! hahahahaha

Edit: Points for today 17.5, Water 1 litre, Exercise - 1 walk to the mailbox (15 minutes).

Bri

At least I went to the meeting.....new start now

OK so i've gained 0.6 in 4 weeks which is pretty good, it could have been much worse. I plan to lose that and more next week.

Today's points (and i've already had dinner): 15 1/2

Water: 1 litre

Exercise: Walk to the mail and back, Walk to the bank and back

I know I have to eat some more points today so that WW Chocolate pudding in the freezer should be very scared!! haha

I promise I won't eat any crap this week and i'll walk every day. I must have a loss next week and I would like it to be at least that pesky 0.6.

Wish me luck!

Bri

My maths isn't too good!

My challenge is only 11 weeks long. I miscalculated. D’oh.

So this is day 4 – 73 days to go.

I’m weighing in at WW tonight, but that won’t be my Challenge weight as I’m still going to use my Friday morning weight for the challenge. I think I’ll have a gain since the last time I weighed in, which was about 4 weeks ago now I think.

I’ve been really good today and have gone for my usual two walks, even thought it’s blowing a gale and freezing outside. So much for that nice hot weather at the weekend, where did it go?

I have to buy a new pedometer cos mine isn’t working, so I might shout myself a WW one cos this one I bought is crap and if the WW one doesn’t work properly I can complain about it at the meeting! Haha

Have a great day everyone, I’ll update tonight when I get home after my meeting.
Bri

Good week, bad weekend

Well not really really bad, ok - pretty bad. Yeah, it was bad.

I'm going to WW tomorrow night, rain - hail - or shine - even if I register a gain at least I know where i'm up to. I was extra extra good last week until my girlfriend came up from Sydney yesterday and we drank 5 bottles of wine last night! D'oh.

Best thing is the wine we were drinking is produced by a guy who does "chemical free" and I had absolutely NO hangover today. yay

I made a Maltester Fudge Slice (from the WW Heavenly D'lites Cookbook) and thought I'd be good and just have one piece (3 points) but ended up having 3 pieces (FAT PIG!!), but it was absolutely beautiful. I made DH take the rest to work with him today so I wouldn't be tempted and he did, thanks DH!!

As if that wasn't bad enough, we had fish and chips for lunch but I didn't have many chips, it's still bad and not what I wanted by my friend really really wanted it and I gave in, I have to learn how to overcome that.

Anyway, I will update tomorrow night after WW and let you know how I go. Didn't do any exercise either apart from running around after DS all weekend and pushing him on the swing for hours on end!

On an uplifting note I haven't seen this particular friend for about six months and she was absolutely amazed at my weight loss. She couldn't stop commenting about it, which made me feel fantastic!

I also tried on a pair of size 14 pants today that are in my cupboard. The last time I tried them on I couldn't get them over my "thunder thighs". I can now get them up over my thighs and my fat butt and even do them up. They're very tight but i'm going to use them as my next goal.

The next "thing" I have on is my girlfriend's 40th in two week's time so I promise I will be good until then and i'm hoping to have registered a loss at WW by then too.

Hope everyone had a great weekend.

Bri

Ready, set, gooooooooo .........

Day one of the challenge:

I'm feeling pretty good, pretty motivated, albeit a little stressed out (the CEO is here right now!). I've been good all week so i'm on a roll and i'm determined to continue this for as long as I can. I'm using my last official WW weight as my starting point and hopefully this will give me a bit of a head start for my first Challenge weigh in next Friday morning.

Have a great day everyone!

Bri

Another day .....

Feeling pretty good today, still motivated and keen to continue my good ways. A bit tired as we've had a big week at work, with the CEO coming tomorrow and there's been a lot of cleaning and fussing around. I'm very thankful that it's Friday tomorrow and i'll be damn glad when it's over!
Have my step-daughter coming over tomorrow night and then a girlfriend from Sydney coming to stay on Saturday night (read: drinking!!). I'll be good with my food and i'll try to make something nice for dinner from one of my WW cookbooks (if I can find them? I think they're still packed - we moved 6 months ago - haha).

I think i'll go to bed now cos i'm absolutely stuffed. Have a great day tomorrow and hopefully i'll catch up on reading some blogs over the weekend.

Ciao for now,
Bri

Exercise for today:
Walked to get the mail and do the banking - 1/2 hour
Housework (at work) sweeping, hoovering, dusting, cleaning - 2 hours

Food for today:
20 points

Water for today:
1.5 litres

My personal challenge

OK so for our work Christmas party this year we're going away for a weekend. We're going to a big house in the country and staying for two nights. This brings up a lot of issues for me:

1. I have to leave Lachlan with other people for those two nights. This is too hard to tackle right now, except that i've organised the mother-in-law to babysit on the Friday night and my mother to babysit on the Saturday night. I'm nearly in tears just thinking about it.

2. I really want to be 60 "something" kilos by then cos I don't want people seeing me in my swimmers, pj's, shorts or whatever when i'm still a fat porker.

I'm thinking that this can be my motivation for losing weight and something to work towards.

There's 12 weeks from this Friday til the day we go away so ultimately to get to my WW goal I need to lose another 14 kilos but i'd be happy to get under 70 kilos before we go, that means I need to lose at least 8 kilos before then, being 0.75 a week, which I can do but I have to be REALLY REALLY good.

Do you think I can do it? I'm thinking maybe yes, maybe no. I'm going to need all the help I can get girls so I want you to get on my back about this whole weight loss thing and really help me to reach this goal.

Pleeeeeeease???????

ps) i'm going to put a side bar on here of my weight loss etc for my personal challenge and i'll update it every week. I'm going to use my "morning" weight on a Friday for this challenge not my WW official weight, as i'm usually lighter on my scales in the morning so this will give me a head start, hopefully!!! Here goes ..............

Bri

A good day

Feeling pretty good today. Haven’t “strayed” from good eating yet (well since yesterday but two days in a row is pretty good for me at the moment). I’ve walked as well, there’s no banking to do today but I’m still going to walk to the bank and back anyway.

I’m feeling much more positive today.

Hope everyone else is doing well.
Bri

this is a collage of my "fatness" to "less fatness" from L to R - 10 Jan, 17 Feb, 22 May, 4 Sept. 

The story behind the photos

OK so the top I had on in the first photo (the "nice" flowery one) was a size 18 and the top I have on in the next photo is a size 12 (yes I know it's a bit tight but it's been a long time since I wore a size 12!). I don't actually think I look any different. Maybe I should find that first tent (oops, I mean top) and take a photo with it on!!

I wrote a post on Ozgeek today which I want to share on my blog aswell. I was feeling a bit down yesterday and I said, on Ozgeek, that I was going to give up, well i've had a think about that and here's the outcome, and a heap of other crap "what I wrote" hehe .....

First of all, I just want to thank everyone for your support. If it wasn’t for you guys I probably would be in a nut home right now. It’s great to be able to talk to you guys about stuff and have a support group that I wouldn’t otherwise have. It’s also great to be able to say stuff and not be judged, but to be fully supported and to have you trying to help me with the crap that’s going on in my life. I talk to you guys about stuff I would/could never talk to my family or other friends about. They just wouldn’t understand. So thank you for sharing my journey and for
letting me share yours.

I’m really not that worried about putting on weight. I’ve been the same weight now for about three months, give or take a kilo or so up and down. I’m just not trying hard enough. It’s difficult when you’re tired. I know you don’t want to
hear my excuses, we all have them, I have more than some, but less than
others. We’re all human.

The crux of it is that i’m just tired and I’ve become a little blasé about the whole weight loss thing.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to lose weight and I live for the day that I’m at goal, actually right now I’d be happy to get under 75kg, and absolutely ecstatic to get under 70 kg, but sometimes I just feel like I can’t be bothered with it all.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.

I’ve come a long way from 1 January this year when I was 93 kilos (you just have to look at my photos to see that – which if you’re interested you can view at www.fatcowsblog.blogspot.com). Actually I might re-post them today to bring them back into the focus. Maybe it will help?

Yesterday, when I wrote this post, I was really depressed. Then last night I found out why: TTOTM. Usually I get cranky, and hubby always makes it worse by saying “TTOTM is it?”, and seriously that pisses me off to no end, but yesterday I just got really really depressed about the whole thing.

I kind of thought I might be pregnant again, which we’re not planning and we need to make a decision soon about whether we want another child (I’m 40 next year so if we’re going to do it we have to do it soon) but I just love my job right now and I don’t want to stuff that up. It’s hard enough with one child, I can’t imagine working full-time with two, plus the daycare fees would be ridiculous, I’m already paying $500 a fortnight for day care. Also we really need to buy a house
and if we have another child that probably won’t happen. We are struggling
to save any money now.

Also we don’t have any family here so there’s not much support around and hubby works weekends so it’s just me really. I know I said I wouldn’t make excuses, sorry I’ll try to get back on track with my thinking now.

I was so motivated at the start of the year to lose weight and I still have all the reasons I had then to lose more, I don’t know why I’ve lost my motivation.

I had a look in the yellow pages to see if I could find someone to talk to about this, but all the psychologists listed who see people for eating disorders are for
anorexia or bulimia, I just need someone to talk to about overeating, or
emotional eating, or stress eating. Or maybe I don’t, I’m not sure if it
would help, cos I would probably just say the things I say on here and I get
pretty good responses from all of you, I just need to give myself a good kick up
the arse and get back on track.

Anyhoo, I’m hoping the warmer weather will help. Also the baby is starting to sleep better so if and when I ever get a decent night’s sleep, I’m sure that would help too.

I’m sorry for complaining, I guess I’m trying to go through everything in my head and trying to work out what’s happening with me so I can fix it and get on with what has to be done.

Thanks for listening to me, I’ll keep you posted with how I’m feeling, I’m already feeling better today than I was yesterday so that’s a positive step.

Lots of love,
Bri

and now .....

OK this was taken just now, by me, well auto thingy on the camera (i'm not very good with cameras!). It's not a very good photo but hopefully you can see that i've lost some weight??

Then.....

I'm just reminding myself what a porker I was when I started my WW journey. This is our wedding anniversary photo (24.12.04) and I weighed in at 93 kilos. Sheessh, what a fat cow! (Hence the title of my blog! haha).

Too tired

I have lost all motivation today, I thought I had it back, but it's gone. I have to apologise to everyone who had faith in me, I think i'm a lost cause.

Sorry ..................

Bri

Don't leave it til its too late

This poem for me, brings to light the huge and unmanageable emotions that can result from the death of a loved one. Even though it is written about a man (probably one of W H Auden's lovers), it really brings home the inevitability of the absolute feeling of being lost when we lose someone special in our lives.

I thought i'd post it here today because i've been thinking a lot about the special people in my life and how we should appreciate them now, while they are all alive, with all of their good points and faults, and how we should remind them that we love them unconditionally, because you just never know when you'll lose them.

I would like someone to read this at my funeral, when the time comes, albeit a selfish request) .......

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last for ever:

I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.

For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W H Auden

Here comes the weekend.

I've been pretty good this week, no chocolate or Peanut Butter Kit-Kats!! Yay for me.

I'm not sure what it is that makes me eat crap, well I guess if we knew that we'd have the key wouldn't we? haha

Let's just hope I can keep up my "goodness" for the weekend.

Bring it on I say........

Bri